This my dear readers, is the only occupation where the job description includes delight at the bodily effluents of another person... :)
As in : OMG she did her first poop....! OMG she did her 17th poop! (Ad infinitum)
As in : Better out than in, my darling! (Thank you Shrek)
As in : Wow, that was a *big* burp (Yes, and she will not regurgitate and choke)
As in : Yes! Her 10th wet nappy! (She is not dehydrated!)
5. Weight gain
As in : 200g! Brilliant! (That's equal to 2 whole marie biscuit packets!)
Await more additions to the list...