Thursday, November 17, 2011


Yes gentle readers, we are one month old today! (Her excellency has a tendency to use the Royal plural) :D

I've been meaning to write about what it was like.. the Big Day... but some memories are too precious to put to words well.

As it turned out, I had a Cesarean section (for a number of reasons)... it was good because, control freak that I am, I could decide on the date, time and the doctors who were to be there... not exactly an option for emergencies! So there I was, clad in theater garb, being wheeled into the waiting area. I hadn't got much sleep the previous night, so instead of being in a state of pleasant anticipation, I conked out, and the Anaesthetist had to shake me awake... erm, never mind.

Now I've had a lumbar puncture before, which hurt like hell, and had steeled myself to put on a brave show during the spinal anaesthesia. Honestly though, my doctor was so wonderful, I didn't feel a thing, not even that huge needle being plunged into my spine. So there I was, biting my lips and tensing for the pain and she says "okie, you can lie down" and I'm like "that's it?". She must have thought I was demented...

So once the drugs kicked in, I was stripped (farewell maiden modesty!), and then covered again with sterile cloth. My VOG gives me a thumbs up and I'm sure a big smile was there under his mask as he ushered Darling into the theater. The poor man (Darling, not the VOG) kept his eyes determinedly away from the scene of carnage and sat down on a little stool near me. It was incredibly comforting to have him near me... whispering soothing things and rubbing my shoulder while the doctors sliced me up. The drugs dull the pain, but you can still feel everything going on, and I was thinking, ok, now they cut the skin, now they pushed up the omentum, now they're mobilizing the womb...

Suddenly there was this huge sensation of pressure, making me gasp and making D pat frantically away at my shoulder... and she was born! There she was, pink with the effort of breathing for the first time, her eyes scrunched up against the brightness of the theater lights and body slick with our combined blood and fluids. Her mouth was wide open as she squalled with all her might, announcing her presence to the world.

I could only say "oh she's gorgeous" before dissolving in tears. You know how in corny novels they describe how someone's heart melted like a pat of butter in the sun? That's exactly how I felt. I kept craning to see what was happening while the Paediatrician assessed her and then the lovely, warm, wriggling bundle of joy was on my chest, snuffling her way towards the milk supply. How do I describe it... that first contact with my child, my flesh and blood? I'm sorry... there are no words... I was just floating on this fluffy white cloud, clutching her close to me.

Afterwards? Well all 3 of us donned out L boards and got on with being a new family... feeding, burping and changing nappies.

Saturday, November 12, 2011


He said

"Twelve years ago, I stood in front of the Taj Mahal, and thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world"

He said

"Four years ago, I saw you step out of the car in your wedding dress, and I thought the most beautiful thing was you"

He said

"I look at our little baby, nestled in your arms... and I know she is the most beautiful thing in the world"

I love you, my Darling!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Poopy tales*

*highly sensitive people are advised to stay away from this post

So yes, baby poop has now become a delightful standard addition to my daily routine. Newborns have only milk in their cute little tummies, so the poop is golden yellow, has the consistency of toothpaste and isn't really smelly. Darling begs to disagree with the last statement, and his pained face at every nappy change is a sight worth seeing... but that's because Ms Bumtrinket saves the messiest ones for him!

With my vast experience of 2 weeks, I have cautiously divided the poop into a few categories

1. The first poop: This is basically the accumulated gunk of 9 months being purged from the baby intestines. It's the colour and consistency of hot tar, and presumably equally difficult to clean off. During the first day we used over a hundred (yes, one hundred) cotton balls for cleaning purposes. Happily, after about 2-3 motions, things get a bit easier.

2. The relaxed poop: Baby gives due warning (squall, poopy face), and is positioned in a way to cause minimal damage. By manipulating the baby, it's possible to make attractive swirls on the diaper, rather like decorating cupcakes...

3. The gassy poop: The is minimal warning, usually an ominous rumble from down under, and usually when Darling is "on-call". Baby is rushed to changing surface. Poop comes out in a projectile manner, hitting the far end of the changing mat or the wall beyond, completely obliterating anything (cotton balls, clean nappies, baby cream) in its path.

I shall be updating this list periodically.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Ahhh, motherhood!

This my dear readers, is the only occupation where the job description includes delight at the bodily effluents of another person... :)

1. Poop
As in : OMG she did her first poop....! OMG she did her 17th poop! (Ad infinitum)

2. Farts
As in : Better out than in, my darling! (Thank you Shrek)

3. Burps
As in : Wow, that was a *big* burp (Yes, and she will not regurgitate and choke)

4. Pee
As in : Yes! Her 10th wet nappy! (She is not dehydrated!)

5. Weight gain
As in : 200g! Brilliant! (That's equal to 2 whole marie biscuit packets!)

Await more additions to the list...