Wednesday, October 14, 2009

In the production line


Fact: I have put on weight. A lot. 9 (NINE!!!) kilos in 5 weeks.

Fact: I have no idea how this happened. The empty pail of malteasers under my bed has nothing whatsoever to do with it. Honestly.

Fact: every time I meet an old friend/acquaintance/teacher/enemy they bring up the million dollar question - are you pregnant? And when I, as always give the shortest possible answer - NO - they ask, but why not?

The fat doesn't show all that much... only in the hefty arms and rounder than usual ass. Sadly, my bosom (why? why?) has been spared the extra padding. In other words, I don't look as if I have a basket ball cunningly hidden under my waistband. So what's wrong with these people? Do I somehow exude an aura of overt fertility? Now that I have married a suitable boy and completed my degree, is it essential that I incubate a small human being and then shove it out of my body in a very painful way?

Yesterday, I fielded THE question from 3 of my lecturers - one of whom started nearly embraced me saying "oooh, you are in the production line!" With all due respect madam, WTF? Another one solemnly advised me to have kids before getting too old because they need to have a job before I retire.

Family somehow manages to be worse... sensitivity scores are at an all time low. One aunt actually nudged my husband and suggestively remarked that he hasn't shown the family his "abilities" yet! I could only stare open mouthed in horror, and then hustle an equally shocked husband as far away from there as possible!

Another aunt patted my tummy during a pirith ceremony, eyebrows arched and when the words "are you expecting?" are met with the blunt NO, consoles me "don't worry, it'll happen soon enough!". At a completely different pirith ceremony another distant relative, hand placed protectively on my tummy coos "any good news yet?"

Aaaarrrgh!... get off my tummy will you? It's not pregnancy, it's just greed!

And there is good news dammit! I graduated in the top 5% of my batch, won a gold medal, completed a hectic internship, not only with glowing references from both my consultants, but with my sanity intact! I faced four interview panels, and competed with doctors more senior and (in my opinion at least) more qualified than me and still managed to land a dream job post that I believe will keep me happy and fulfilled. I am an office bearer in a national association and in the editorial board of an (admittedly obscure) international medical journal. I have built a wonderful, loving relationship with a really incredible guy and six years on (and in spite of marriage,) we are still going strong. And that's just the past 4 months.

It's not that I don't want children... I do... and am even ready to run the risk of them emerging with miniature pitchforks brandished defiantly. But I want to have them when I am psychologically ready to give them all the love and care and attention they need to the best of my ability. Not because my ovaries are ticking away, or because it will reduce my risk of breast cancer or because the whole world and his aunty think that I should.

I have no idea what to do... :(


22 comments:

Serendib_Isle said...

Hah ha ha, nicely put, Angel.

I guess the questionnaire never ends.
First, when are you getting married?
Then, when you your popping?
If you are living the life as a couple and loving it, everyone will be worried and wanting to know when you’d be having a kid. Worst, they’ll give you the address and a consultant’s name at the Nine Wells.
Then, a piece of land and a house. Why live in a rented house, buy one or build one...
Then, a better car.
Or a better school for the kids...
Then, why not Australia? Or England..?
and it goes on...
and on...
and on...

Aaaarghhh&%$##@#..! Our society never gives up and never stops. Do they..?

AND

A BIG congrats on your gold medal. And a job well done. And for keeping the flame of love still burning. And all the achievements that make YOU happy.

You know, happiness is what makes you put on a few pounds. True.

Springflower said...

I feel your frustration at this ever present need for other people to ask THE question..I've been there myself and it makes me furious..take it easy and don't mind what they say..
and..Congratulations!!!! on your admirable achievements...you ought to be very proud of yourself..:)

pissu perera said...

congrats on the 9th para! =)

the questions never end no, when are you getting married, when are you having children, why dont you have them and finally when you do, after a few years the cycle starts over again. when is your son/daughter getting married, why dont you have grandchildren? funny how people, but esp women, no matter whatever else they accomplish, aren't considered good enough until they have mini mes running around.

just hang in there. better yet, tell them you cant afford kids and see if they offer to help out financially =)

surani said...

Pat their tummy and ask the same question!!!

I don't get this thing with out Lankan aunties wanting to touch the tummy even while pregnant. They just assume because it's protruding they have the right to touch it.

Delilah said...

on your achievements - way to go!

on the baby manufacturing - flip it on them. try patting an aunty on her tummy and inquire when she's due :)
seriously though, do not cave in. it will be so much more beautiful an experience after you get to the stage of actually wanting to be a mother.

santhoshi said...

Congratulations angel, super job, i know how hard and competitive it is to get a gold medal at colombo university.

Was laughing at your aunts suggestive remarks. family i tell u they will always want to know what next?

You should have kids when you are ready as you have correctly posted. When they pop out they are going to wrap u around their tiny fingers and u have to dance according to their tunes.

I had my first one when i was 22, she is ten now and we fight all the time!

Cadence said...

Nice one Angel and congrats on the remarkable achievement :)

Right now I happen to be in the stage of the 'high time you get married'cycle. It annoys me to the core! oh well.

Azrael said...

Many times many Congratulations on your achievements. :)

Knatolee said...

Hey, congratulations on the medal, which is a great accomplishment.

As for the children, I think you should do that when you're ready and not before. But the pressure can be great! I was at a luncheon recently with a table of very nice grey-haired women. One asked me if I had had kids (No!) then told me I had plenty of time to have some, while another woman asked me if I was retired! (Good grief, I can't be doing both the same time, having babies AND hitting retirement age. Well, I guess that Italian woman did it! Remember her?) I figured by the time I passed 40, the questions about me having a kid would stop. Er, no. I suppose I should be glad that people still think I'm youthful enough to reproduce.

Hang in there, enjoy your new marriage, and move on to the next step when you're ready. But be prepared: the questions won't stop!

(And Maltesers are the instrument of the devil. ;))

Angel said...

Serendib: Thanks for the wishes and for a really good reason for why I have gained weight! :) *hugs*

Springflower: glad you agree that it's frustrating... and thanks!

PP: that is SO true... it's like I'll never be good enough without them. And I don't think the hint for money will work. One aunt told me that we "should" live apart from our parents and have a large family... even if that means having to live in a shack

Surani: Lankan aunties have no sense of personal space!

Delilah: thank you... I do want to be a mother... and there's a time and place for everything!

Santhoshi: aiyoo... I swear that episode took YEARS off my life! Poor hubby was left contemplating on the insane family he married into! I know... I think it would be wonderful to be wrapped around a tiny baby finger... and I really admire mums like you who seem to juggle everything! I'll probably be 10 years older than you were when I have my first one though!

Cadence: I feel your pain! There really are no wrods to answer such invasive questions! and thanks! :)

Azreal: Thank you!

Knatolee: wow, I'm surprised you were able to complete your meal! Ah... I shall mention the Italian lady at the next opportunity... but may have to move to Italy to live down the repercussions of such a comment! Thanks for the wishes!

Scrumpulicious said...

I know I read your posts about 10 years after everyone else but huge congratulations. I am proud of you my fellow blogger! *hugs*

About the children questions, culturally we have spent too long worrying about society and their expectations of us! Kudos to you and your beliefs. For what it's worth, when the time comes, I reckon you'll be an amazing mother!

Knatolee said...

Good grief, I tried Googling the story about the Italian mother... I got all kinds of hits. It seems women over 60 are giving birth all over the world!!!

For example:

http://www.cosmosmagazine.com/news/409/62-year-old-woman-gives-birth-after-ivf-treatment



See? You have lots of time! :)

Angel said...

Scrumpy: thanks for the vote of confidence...

Knatolee: I shall quote you on that! :)

N said...

Congrats on the achievements. It seems noone can ever win with the auntys...first its marriage, then kids, then kids achievements, etc. blah...

Jack Point said...

Congratulations Angel. I can't resist asking how the young lady from the previous post graduated? At the top?, Bottom? Did not?

In a closely knit society the concept of individual privacy does not exits to any great degree.

lankangirl said...

congrats on the gold medal..

life is so short...happiness comes first!

i absolutely fear the q's when i come home. i keep reminding myself they will never stop..

Anonymous said...

The phenomena you describe is truly a universal one.

http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=1239

Congratulations.

I still remember when I was in Kandy about one year after marriage two of my aunties , pointing at my husband and asking me "puss da ?"

Sinhala word for fungus I think.

mahisshi said...

Well done Angel in all your areas!! I have the same querries from all over-and glad that a BRIGHT CASE like you share similar feelings!!
All the best!!

Angel said...

N : thanks... I've given up trying to win... survival would be good though...

JP : True... but is it too much to ask for a bit of personal space? Oh and that young lady wasn't in a medical class... :)

Lankan girl : what I worry about is... will I also be like this in 20 years? After all, something must be keeping the cycle from repeating!

Annon : that sounds awful! O_O

mahissi : awww... thanks! *blush*

Jack Point said...

Damn another fantasy goes "phoof".....

Angel said...

JP : Eh? What fantasy is that then?

Jack Point said...

I fondly imagined that the young lady with the painted toes and mismatched thong was medic....would have made my checkups a little more surreal I think:)