Poopy tales*

*highly sensitive people are advised to stay away from this post

So yes, baby poop has now become a delightful standard addition to my daily routine. Newborns have only milk in their cute little tummies, so the poop is golden yellow, has the consistency of toothpaste and isn't really smelly. Darling begs to disagree with the last statement, and his pained face at every nappy change is a sight worth seeing... but that's because Ms Bumtrinket saves the messiest ones for him!

With my vast experience of 2 weeks, I have cautiously divided the poop into a few categories

1. The first poop: This is basically the accumulated gunk of 9 months being purged from the baby intestines. It's the colour and consistency of hot tar, and presumably equally difficult to clean off. During the first day we used over a hundred (yes, one hundred) cotton balls for cleaning purposes. Happily, after about 2-3 motions, things get a bit easier.

2. The relaxed poop: Baby gives due warning (squall, poopy face), and is positioned in a way to cause minimal damage. By manipulating the baby, it's possible to make attractive swirls on the diaper, rather like decorating cupcakes...

3. The gassy poop: The is minimal warning, usually an ominous rumble from down under, and usually when Darling is "on-call". Baby is rushed to changing surface. Poop comes out in a projectile manner, hitting the far end of the changing mat or the wall beyond, completely obliterating anything (cotton balls, clean nappies, baby cream) in its path.

I shall be updating this list periodically.